the stars & sky; just a burden above my head.
ugh, i hate letting my guard down. i hate acting fake. why dont you just suck my fucking dick huh? i have a lot of anger and resentment inside of me, but why should people know that? its okay, i'll just tell myself its fine. everything will be okay. sighh, i just need to breathe and let all the bad energy out; scratch that. i'm gonna stay my emo self. i have all these vulnerable moments and i am such a sensitive person, but people have no idea, no idea at all. i'm suffering, cant you see? everyone has a different view of me, everyone sees me in a different way. i want to be just one person, not ten. i let people take advantage of me and push me around because i am a big pushover. well fuck the world. i dont give a shit anymore. who fucking cares? go ahead, take me for granted because all i am is a doll that gets passed around. i have so much to offer, but nobody appreciates it. is this what my life is purposed for? to please others, but not myself? i think so. thats how things have been ever since i can even remember. it's quite sad and pathetic, i feel bad for myself. let me just hide myself and see how people react. psh, they wouldnt give a rats ass, but they'd take advantage of me when i do show myself. if only i could drown myself and cry underwater. yeah, it sounds kinda stupid, but if i could drown myself and cry underwater, nobody could tell the difference. i'd be underwater anyways haha. please, just sit by my side and never leave me. i'm possessive and i dont like sharing my friends. they're my friends, not yours. they care about me, not you. fuck. i should stop being so selfish, even though some say i am selfless. in a way, i am quite selfless because i try not to affect others with my feelings. david nguyen says that i am sad and he feels bad for me. should i take that into consideration? many say the exact same, but its how i feel. how can i change that to benefit me? who knows. i'm trapped. caged. imprisoned. i'm in some type of repeating cycle of horror and pain and tears. i'm so used to it that i cant smile a real smile anymore. sure, some moments i am laughing and smiling the day away because some things are just comical, but as soon as that's over, i'm back to holding back my tears and dreaming nightmares. someone, please, stay here with me for a while and live in denial of all reality. we will dance the night away and stare at the stars and laugh in unstoppable joy. whoo, i'm just so lame haha. sometimes i feel as stupid as others make me out to be. i'm stupid and i am gullible and i fall for things easily. i get my hopes up, then crushed, then up again, and crushed for good. i'm prone to disappointment. it comes along and affects me like candy to a baby. ugh, absurd. i get so happy with something and so caught up that i dont think about what's gonna happen afterwards or what they're really thinking and i'm stuck again; alone in the dark, crying the tears that burn me. goddamnit.
