May 28, 2008.

sigh, i have such a bigass headache. i feel like crying, but i cant do that. my ap seminar novel group is over at my house doing their own thing. we have our presentation on friday with nothing in mind. myco was just on a roll today with getting mad at me. it's so ridiculous. i get so frustrated to the point where i literally feel like my head is about to explode, and i will once again repeat "literally" for emphasis. i hope i dont pull any muscle in my brain and kill myself, or do i? that would be a satisfying thought. to die is scary, but i guess it depends what you're dying for to regain honor. i'm just an average teenager sitting in the middle of more average teenagers. everybody may be different, but they all consist of similar flaws or similar qualities. what makes me different? the hairs on my head? my fingerprints? those are just physical qualities. what is something that is so unique that makes me different from everybody else? forget it, i might as well conform; i'm close enough as it is. i bring myself down. i look on the bright side when i talk to people, but i make myself feel bad when i dont have to. its unnecessary and yet i do it anyways. the way of life for me? ugh. even in my own ap group i feel like an outsider. i feel outcasted from everything i do; is it becuase i bring work upon myself and keep myself busy? why do i wonder these things? fuck it. i need to learn to accept things the way they are. well, i cant change my destiny, but it possible to alter it. i can do things or change things to affect the way my life turns out, even if i cannot assure how it's going to turn out or even know for sure. oh boy, i am tired. i talk like an average person when i am on my vox, but in reality, i'm a dumbass. it's funny how people are more confident online, but it's not as if i am talking to anybody face to face. i always prefer in-person contact, and i am not even talking to anybody right now; it's just a blog. ridiculous, i feel like a fool. this was short.