i'm driving myself insane.

i wanna run away. it'd be fun just to run away from everyone i know and start a new life, just by myself. i wouldnt tell anybody that i did such a thing; it'd be nice. but i couldnt possibly. i'd hurt people, supposedly, and it'd be very difficult to even start a brand new life. sigh, i just prefer not to have people anymore. i'm always getting hurt one way or the other, sometimes even left. it's frightening. i may be a bit over exaggerating, but that's exactly how i feel. i dont expect anyone to pity me or sympathize with me or even understand; i'm just simply expressing myself. so ivonne tells me that jenny ho has been spending a lot of time with alex and communicating a lot with him also. oh well. life is full of surprises, i just have to embrace them. he's been missing from school for over a week and i've been worried about him, but now i know where he is. i shouldnt feel hurt or anything, but i do. i'm really hurt. i wanna cry, but i'd ask myself why and it's not worth it. so what if he's "dating" jenny again? so what if everything i've done for him doesnt matter? so what if he's willing to be hurt by her again? so what if all my time was a complete waste? so what if i'm hurt? so what. whatever, life goes on. yeah, i have myco by my side, but we argue every single day and we're complete bitches to each other. the littlest things break us and it's fucking frustrating. i try to cherish every moment, but sometimes the pain is overbearing. godd. sometimes i feel like nobody cares. do i even care? i dont even care about my goddamn self, so why should anybody else? i dont know why i bother getting attached to people. its either they hurt me, or i hurt them. whats the point? i have so much homework and i am arguing with myco. goodbye.